Another ___________ snow day. Another night of not sleeping well. Another day of waiting, but I do have a to do list to keep me busy, so no long missive today.
I debated even getting on line, but am glad I did. A former student had sent me an e-mail asking me to preview/edit her college essay. She is impressively going to high school, community college, working a job, volunteering at a hospital and raising her child. WoW! Last year she was a class officer & helped organize prom. I told her I would write her a letter of recommendation if she wanted.
I look at my own daughter, same age... no job, no community college, volunteerism = church nursery every few weeks. But she has done extra/co -curricular activities that have taken MANY hours of her time, to the detriment of her grades. She is a wonderful young woman, but she couldn't handle what my student does.
With the mother my daughter has, I would expect her to be more pragmatic and logical. But she has to be her own self, which means putting friends & Bible study ahead of school work at the most illogical of times.
For all of my trusting God & my intuition, dreams, etc., logic & effeciency are what I usually use to base most decisions. Except recently, which is why I have a fight going on in my brain. Half of me says trust the intuition, the other says be logical, use reason.
On another spectrum of my life, my pastor tells me that my ex wants us to meet with the pastor serving as mediator. The ex will not reveal the topic to me or the pastor. I hate his ambushing. I've narrowed the topics down a bit. Either he's upset about the daughter's senior bills, or about me being at work when our son was home "sick." The son has a reflux condition & isn't actually sick when he vomits, so I tell him to call his dad for a ride to school after his stomach settles down. He doesn't. The ex thinks I told the boy to not call him, which is the direct opposite of the truth. Yes, I know this usually very honest well behaved child could be shamming, so I already promised that I would call my ex from now on. But then there was 2 weeks ago... I accidentally left my phone on silent from church the day before. When I went to use my phone to double check on my son, the key to the padlock on the closet where I store my purse & phone had fallen off my lanyard. It was not until 2:15 that a key was found to unlock the padlock. Turns out my son actually had a fever. Super mommy guilt over that. It does not help that I have the excuse that my classroom phone doesn't call long distance, & I don't have the school number memorized...it is on the cell phone. They are lame excuses.
I got the divorce to lessen my children's exposure to the ex. If this is the issue he wants to discuss & If his solution to this issue is to change custody, I will absolutely lose it. I agree that working so far away & being gone before the boys wake up is not good, but for professional & financial reasons this is not the time to change jobs. My past resume looks job hoppy because I refused to give passing grades to kids who did no work at 2 different districts. Here I am adding some stability. Here I am being invited into district level administrative meetings to make decisions. My district has a really bad reputation, but if I can put on the resume that I was part of the solution, then I have freedom for the rest of my 25 working years until I can retire.
Truth be told, I don't plan to work in a school district that long. My mom owns some farm land with her sisters down near Wichita. I want to buy it, and build my version of Boy's Town on it. A place for kids who struggle; a place to gain self-pride, self-reliance & the ability to ask for help. I need caring people who can legally teach more than one subject or fulfill more than one role at this school. I need people who don't need a huge paycheck. And I will need to teach in a district when I move down there for a while. When does my plan go into affect? Well, for right now, I have to live where my ex does so as to share custody. Our youngest graduates in 5 1/2 more school years, then I am free to move.
Meanwhile, I pay off divorce debt & increase savings, create a network of people to work with, & learn what I can about administrating such an interprise. I also try to help my mom run the family business from 180 miles away by working on the rental houses. I also pray that Mom doesn't get ill or "too old" or die in the meantime. Because if those happen, I move no matter what. I am the power of attorney, executor/trustee of it all, and I can't do it from a distance. Yes, I have a brother, but the parents didn't give him the job. They do have him as the one who makes health decisions because he is in town. Quite honestly, the inheritance is what will truly make the school financially stable long term, and allows the students some "on the job training," but I think it can muddle along without it.
There's irony in it all. The farm land was my grandpa's. As Mom describes him--- he could go crazy mean, & he wanted to join the KKK, but didn't because of a robe & dues issue. Who will be in the school? Kids of all races many of whom probably had a crazy mean parent.
My mother still has emotional scars from her dad. She chose her husband because he was better than her dad. She remained silent in front of her children and let her husband be the boss. I was raised to be similar, but I don't want my children raised the same way. I don't want any children raised in the same way.
My dad was not crazy mean. My dad tried very hard to be a loving parent. He was just so above average in intellligence that he did not realize how insulting he was. Do you know how hard it is have self-assurance when you are repeatedly asked to be smarter than the average nail, hammer or 2x4?
My ex was not crazy mean. Oh, he could be mean. & I won't be surprised if he is ever diagnosed as bi-polar or having Alzheimers...but for now he still lacks enough symptoms to be "crazy." He made up his perceived short comings by building himself up as better because he knew people who did great things, and he built himself up by tearing others down. He liked the phrase, "Am I the only one who can do __________ the right way?" The kids say he still uses it, but the daughter says the truth is they know they don't know how to do the task anyway, so he truly is the only one now. She says it doesn't feel insulting to her, but she knows it is an insulting way to talk.
She is not silent to her father nor to me when we disagree or she feels slighted. She is very articulate usually w/o being insulting. Maybe part of the cycle is broken. I am waiting to see my sons finish maturing. With the daughter gone next fall, they will have to learn to talk to each other better. She won't be there to referee their illogical comments and point them out. I guess, I'll have to pick up the slack too. I just hope I've learned enough from her to do it as well. I think she will make a great child psychologist/counselor, youth minister etc. But she hasn't chosen those as potential careers yet, but she's yet to chose any at all yet. She sees her world so full of choices. No limits on what she can do. Hooray!
I said no long missive... and yet I've done it again. Now, I must go work on the to do list: laundry, ironing, shopping, paper grading, final decision about 2006 IRA deposit, the FAFSA & the final draft of taxes.
Dang it, I had Flirty off my mind until that last word. Now to go get busy doing the list, anyway.
May you acknowledge that God is with you always & forever.
I debated even getting on line, but am glad I did. A former student had sent me an e-mail asking me to preview/edit her college essay. She is impressively going to high school, community college, working a job, volunteering at a hospital and raising her child. WoW! Last year she was a class officer & helped organize prom. I told her I would write her a letter of recommendation if she wanted.
I look at my own daughter, same age... no job, no community college, volunteerism = church nursery every few weeks. But she has done extra/co -curricular activities that have taken MANY hours of her time, to the detriment of her grades. She is a wonderful young woman, but she couldn't handle what my student does.
With the mother my daughter has, I would expect her to be more pragmatic and logical. But she has to be her own self, which means putting friends & Bible study ahead of school work at the most illogical of times.
For all of my trusting God & my intuition, dreams, etc., logic & effeciency are what I usually use to base most decisions. Except recently, which is why I have a fight going on in my brain. Half of me says trust the intuition, the other says be logical, use reason.
On another spectrum of my life, my pastor tells me that my ex wants us to meet with the pastor serving as mediator. The ex will not reveal the topic to me or the pastor. I hate his ambushing. I've narrowed the topics down a bit. Either he's upset about the daughter's senior bills, or about me being at work when our son was home "sick." The son has a reflux condition & isn't actually sick when he vomits, so I tell him to call his dad for a ride to school after his stomach settles down. He doesn't. The ex thinks I told the boy to not call him, which is the direct opposite of the truth. Yes, I know this usually very honest well behaved child could be shamming, so I already promised that I would call my ex from now on. But then there was 2 weeks ago... I accidentally left my phone on silent from church the day before. When I went to use my phone to double check on my son, the key to the padlock on the closet where I store my purse & phone had fallen off my lanyard. It was not until 2:15 that a key was found to unlock the padlock. Turns out my son actually had a fever. Super mommy guilt over that. It does not help that I have the excuse that my classroom phone doesn't call long distance, & I don't have the school number memorized...it is on the cell phone. They are lame excuses.
I got the divorce to lessen my children's exposure to the ex. If this is the issue he wants to discuss & If his solution to this issue is to change custody, I will absolutely lose it. I agree that working so far away & being gone before the boys wake up is not good, but for professional & financial reasons this is not the time to change jobs. My past resume looks job hoppy because I refused to give passing grades to kids who did no work at 2 different districts. Here I am adding some stability. Here I am being invited into district level administrative meetings to make decisions. My district has a really bad reputation, but if I can put on the resume that I was part of the solution, then I have freedom for the rest of my 25 working years until I can retire.
Truth be told, I don't plan to work in a school district that long. My mom owns some farm land with her sisters down near Wichita. I want to buy it, and build my version of Boy's Town on it. A place for kids who struggle; a place to gain self-pride, self-reliance & the ability to ask for help. I need caring people who can legally teach more than one subject or fulfill more than one role at this school. I need people who don't need a huge paycheck. And I will need to teach in a district when I move down there for a while. When does my plan go into affect? Well, for right now, I have to live where my ex does so as to share custody. Our youngest graduates in 5 1/2 more school years, then I am free to move.
Meanwhile, I pay off divorce debt & increase savings, create a network of people to work with, & learn what I can about administrating such an interprise. I also try to help my mom run the family business from 180 miles away by working on the rental houses. I also pray that Mom doesn't get ill or "too old" or die in the meantime. Because if those happen, I move no matter what. I am the power of attorney, executor/trustee of it all, and I can't do it from a distance. Yes, I have a brother, but the parents didn't give him the job. They do have him as the one who makes health decisions because he is in town. Quite honestly, the inheritance is what will truly make the school financially stable long term, and allows the students some "on the job training," but I think it can muddle along without it.
There's irony in it all. The farm land was my grandpa's. As Mom describes him--- he could go crazy mean, & he wanted to join the KKK, but didn't because of a robe & dues issue. Who will be in the school? Kids of all races many of whom probably had a crazy mean parent.
My mother still has emotional scars from her dad. She chose her husband because he was better than her dad. She remained silent in front of her children and let her husband be the boss. I was raised to be similar, but I don't want my children raised the same way. I don't want any children raised in the same way.
My dad was not crazy mean. My dad tried very hard to be a loving parent. He was just so above average in intellligence that he did not realize how insulting he was. Do you know how hard it is have self-assurance when you are repeatedly asked to be smarter than the average nail, hammer or 2x4?
My ex was not crazy mean. Oh, he could be mean. & I won't be surprised if he is ever diagnosed as bi-polar or having Alzheimers...but for now he still lacks enough symptoms to be "crazy." He made up his perceived short comings by building himself up as better because he knew people who did great things, and he built himself up by tearing others down. He liked the phrase, "Am I the only one who can do __________ the right way?" The kids say he still uses it, but the daughter says the truth is they know they don't know how to do the task anyway, so he truly is the only one now. She says it doesn't feel insulting to her, but she knows it is an insulting way to talk.
She is not silent to her father nor to me when we disagree or she feels slighted. She is very articulate usually w/o being insulting. Maybe part of the cycle is broken. I am waiting to see my sons finish maturing. With the daughter gone next fall, they will have to learn to talk to each other better. She won't be there to referee their illogical comments and point them out. I guess, I'll have to pick up the slack too. I just hope I've learned enough from her to do it as well. I think she will make a great child psychologist/counselor, youth minister etc. But she hasn't chosen those as potential careers yet, but she's yet to chose any at all yet. She sees her world so full of choices. No limits on what she can do. Hooray!
I said no long missive... and yet I've done it again. Now, I must go work on the to do list: laundry, ironing, shopping, paper grading, final decision about 2006 IRA deposit, the FAFSA & the final draft of taxes.
Dang it, I had Flirty off my mind until that last word. Now to go get busy doing the list, anyway.
May you acknowledge that God is with you always & forever.
posted by Pete | 10:36 AM
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