The continuing hilarities of my life ?
Let's do the man thing first. First boyfriend ever (FBE) & I have sent way too many e-mails back & forth these past few days. And they have been very personal, but not flirty. Heck, I gave him marital advice (like a divorced woman knows something?) and some divorce advice too. We have bared our old souls. We have shared bits about our current souls, which has included that he wishes he hadn't let me go 25 years ago. Like I would have let him catch me 25 years ago ? I wouldn't have. He says all he wants is to just be friends. He is married & he'll honor that commitment, but it he weren't married...he'd come check me out. I personally think he needs to sort past from present out a bit more. I want to believe this "just friends" thing, but I don't completely believe it. I know how to do just friends from my end. It has been a wierd couple of days sorting out the variety of feelings: "it's cool to reconnect" & "it's awesome to get that apology done" & "dang, I once loved this person very much" & "wow, a man thinks I'm attractive mentally & physically." But I think I have done it. I think he still has some sorting out to do. I think I can be a "normal" human being again.
& I have no desire to have the "what about when he becomes divorced?" conversation with him or with me or with you. I don't know the man well enough to even begin to answer that. If he were the same boy of 25 years ago. NO. If I were the same girl as 25 years ago? Hell, no. But we have changed, but I don't know how he's changed. Except he's a Christain now, & he sings solos at church. I never knew he could sing or liked to sing, & I never heard him mention God. Remember I met him when I was 12 or 13, wrote him daily & mailed weekly starting around the time I was 14... he was in the Army. I received much shorter letters from him around twice a week. He agreed to start dating me when I was 16. I proposed to him. He accepted. Then I broke up with him months before I turned 18 & left for college. Oddly enough, I think I know him better now after just a few days than I did when I was 17. He wasn't much of a communicator then & is much better at it now. But quite frankly, though he is more attractive to me now than he was 25 years ago, I think I'd still say, No. But at the same time, I do look forward to getting to know him better again.
Sometimes though I think I should just have a one night stand with a complete stranger. I'd be so guilt ridden though that I'd be even more screwed up... pun intended of course. Wonder if I can find an aquaintance or friends with benefits relationship with a single attractive man.
Have I told you all that I signed up with Match.com? Yup. I've been viewed around 160 times. But few men respond to my e-mails or winks, & even fewer initiate contact. I might just get the 6 months free guarantee at this rate of return. 160 views is a boost to my ego, but the number of actual contacts in ratio to that is quite depressing. But all of the views are counted, including repeat gazers. There are some gorgeous men on match.com. One awesome hunk from NewYork clicked on me first... I told him it was certainly a boost to my ego that he clicked on me & read my profile...& if he ever came out to the KC area, I wouldn't mind seeing him in person. I get better returns when I go dancing. Went dancing 6 times, danced with around 5 men. Got groped once, got 1 phone number & was asked for my number once. So one pervert, one dweeb & one guy I just needed to get to know better before sharing my data with him. We "girls" are going dancing again next Friday. I am already trying to figure out what to wear.
Originally I was going to share some of the crap in my life, but I'm tired of typing, so I'll spare you all.
Take care,
Pete
Let's do the man thing first. First boyfriend ever (FBE) & I have sent way too many e-mails back & forth these past few days. And they have been very personal, but not flirty. Heck, I gave him marital advice (like a divorced woman knows something?) and some divorce advice too. We have bared our old souls. We have shared bits about our current souls, which has included that he wishes he hadn't let me go 25 years ago. Like I would have let him catch me 25 years ago ? I wouldn't have. He says all he wants is to just be friends. He is married & he'll honor that commitment, but it he weren't married...he'd come check me out. I personally think he needs to sort past from present out a bit more. I want to believe this "just friends" thing, but I don't completely believe it. I know how to do just friends from my end. It has been a wierd couple of days sorting out the variety of feelings: "it's cool to reconnect" & "it's awesome to get that apology done" & "dang, I once loved this person very much" & "wow, a man thinks I'm attractive mentally & physically." But I think I have done it. I think he still has some sorting out to do. I think I can be a "normal" human being again.
& I have no desire to have the "what about when he becomes divorced?" conversation with him or with me or with you. I don't know the man well enough to even begin to answer that. If he were the same boy of 25 years ago. NO. If I were the same girl as 25 years ago? Hell, no. But we have changed, but I don't know how he's changed. Except he's a Christain now, & he sings solos at church. I never knew he could sing or liked to sing, & I never heard him mention God. Remember I met him when I was 12 or 13, wrote him daily & mailed weekly starting around the time I was 14... he was in the Army. I received much shorter letters from him around twice a week. He agreed to start dating me when I was 16. I proposed to him. He accepted. Then I broke up with him months before I turned 18 & left for college. Oddly enough, I think I know him better now after just a few days than I did when I was 17. He wasn't much of a communicator then & is much better at it now. But quite frankly, though he is more attractive to me now than he was 25 years ago, I think I'd still say, No. But at the same time, I do look forward to getting to know him better again.
Sometimes though I think I should just have a one night stand with a complete stranger. I'd be so guilt ridden though that I'd be even more screwed up... pun intended of course. Wonder if I can find an aquaintance or friends with benefits relationship with a single attractive man.
Have I told you all that I signed up with Match.com? Yup. I've been viewed around 160 times. But few men respond to my e-mails or winks, & even fewer initiate contact. I might just get the 6 months free guarantee at this rate of return. 160 views is a boost to my ego, but the number of actual contacts in ratio to that is quite depressing. But all of the views are counted, including repeat gazers. There are some gorgeous men on match.com. One awesome hunk from NewYork clicked on me first... I told him it was certainly a boost to my ego that he clicked on me & read my profile...& if he ever came out to the KC area, I wouldn't mind seeing him in person. I get better returns when I go dancing. Went dancing 6 times, danced with around 5 men. Got groped once, got 1 phone number & was asked for my number once. So one pervert, one dweeb & one guy I just needed to get to know better before sharing my data with him. We "girls" are going dancing again next Friday. I am already trying to figure out what to wear.
Originally I was going to share some of the crap in my life, but I'm tired of typing, so I'll spare you all.
Take care,
Pete
posted by Pete | 8:30 PM
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