This I have learned:

Long distance daughtering is not for me.

I will not find out from a stranger that my mom needs doctoring, or assisted living or nursing home or, or, or .... is dying. I will not. I will not have 180 miles separating me & making it "too far" to go.

What I can't imagine doing: Long distance mothering.

It would be too hard, too.

There must be a way to be a mother & a daughter at the same time despite the 180 miles... or a way to get rid of the 180 miles & still do both.

But I never seemed to find it during the past decade.

I thought it was my husband's fault, & now I know it was mine, too. He didn't keep me here the past 2 years. I did. Me & My lame excuses.