Heavy weights upon my soul:
My mom told me over Thanksgiving weekend that Dad does not want to live to Christmas. He weighs about 120 pounds. He looks like a concentration camp resident. I am angry that he is giving up & not fighting to live, but when I look around at his co-nursing home -residents (who are at healthier weights), I'm not so certain I would want to live there either. It is not a bad nursing home. It's clean; they try to be attentive. Mom visits daily around a meal time to try to give him the attention & help he needs to eat well at least once a day.
I am accustomed to believing that when I pray, my prayers are answered. Ask & I shall receive is what the Bible promises me. I do not know what to ask for. I have never like "God's will be done" prayers; they seem like such a cop out on faith. I know that God already granted me prayers for miracle healings for him as he has healed & regained abilities beyond what is "normal" from strokes for a decade now. I feel like I've wasted that decade by not visiting him frequently. Then I wasted this weekend too.
______________
When FBE came on Wednesday before Thanksgiving, our kids got along just fine.
Also on Thanksgiving weekend he went with me to visit my dad on Friday afternoon & spent a few hours with me & my family in the evening. Then on Saturday he came over around 4:30; his family was at a birthday party for his father-in-law. We went out on a date. My boys said I had a curfew of 11 pm. My mom said that since it was NOT a school night I could stay out until 12. I was home at 11:04. My boys asked, "Where did you go? What did you do?" We told most of the truth. They added their own estimates for how long shopping in a mall where there are 2 bookstores, eating supper, driving around looking at Christmas lights & then eating ice cream would take. They only found an hour of unaccounted for time. We did not account for it, nor point out that their estimating of the other activities was generous. FBE & the boys seem to get along alright.
Oh my mom shared a memory & more with me during Thanksgiving weekend. One day long ago when FBE & she just happened to see each other. He told her that he "ended up marrying " his wife, and then he sighed head down. Mom also has an unidentified source that thought FBE's wife would be a "very hard woman to live with." Oh, and Mom said something that let my boys learn that his divorce was not final yet. I told them that his wife has been making it take longer than necessary. Mom reminded me that waiting for my divorce to take longer than it had to "was worth it, wasn't it?" That is the first time my mom has ever acknowledged that my divorce was a good thing.
On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, FBE told me that his new boss had demoted him & cut his pay, cuz he "just didn't seem to be superintendent material after all." His boss never gave him tasks to prove his abilities. The superintendent FBE has been working with most of the time says the boss is hard to work with until you get to know him well, and thinks that FBE could do the job given a chance. The superintendent will speak on FBE's behalf. FBE has already applied for new jobs, cuz the paycut has him living on 20K less a year. He is thankful to have his job.
______________
Early in the week his 10 year-old had asked what she was to call me. Originally I was known as Pete to her, but she hears him call me by a version of my given name, too. He pointed out to her that eventually my last name will change, so Pete wouldn't be my name any longer then. Therefore, she could just call me a version of my first name too. On Thursday, she asked him if she could call me Mom once we get married. FBE reminded her to not expect us to marry soon, but that he was sure I wouldn't mind her calling me Mom. Wow! That does thrill me ! How cool!? I told FBE that though my kids often call me Mom, they were originally trained to call me Mama. The 10 yr old could choose whatever she wanted, including my real name. It will be totally up to her.
_____________
FBE & I talked a lot about which of us would travel this weekend to visit the other. He finally said that if he came here that we could go to church together, since we can't do so down there yet with the divorce still not quite final. He came up on Friday night. Then he called his father-in-law's house around 9 pm to talk to his kids who were there. The father-in-law would not put the kids on the phone & said they were getting ready for bed, even though the truth was that they were standing beside him asking to talk to FBE. FBE was told that he is NEVER to call that house again. Being denied access to his kids weighed heavily upon FBE.
He left Saturday instead of staying. I miss him, but understand. At church today folks asked about him. Without my requesting it the Sunday school prayed for us... how cool is that? They of course do not know that his divorce is not final. They just know that we have 180 miles & 6 kids between us.
On Friday at work, he was finally served a restraining order that is now about 4 weeks old. It prohibits him from living at the family house, gives her sole custody of the kids & orders him to pay her almost 2K in child support & maintenance.
On Tuesday FBE's new lawyer will file a counter to the restraining order that should nullify it cuz she let him stay in the house for those weeks and have parenting rights; his extensive tools for his work & side business are at the house, and they now have almost the exact same income so he shouldn't have to pay maintenance & child support. The 2K for the wife was based upon his old salary. He can't begin to cover those costs now.
He has no problem with the idea of paying child support, as long as it is reasonable for his salary. He does have problems with maintenance cuz she has 16K in savings that she has refused to use to pay down their credit card debt from when she was unemployed. He has nothing in savings because he's been trying to pay down the debt.
He can only afford to pay the lawyer cuz his aunt is giving him money that she inherited from his mom. She plans for him to inherit it eventually anyway, if she doesn't need it before she dies. He's a nice guy who helps her when she needs it, and she never has liked his wife.
Last week his new lawyer said that the divorce will be done on Dec. 15, but that is a Saturday, so probably the 17th is more accurate. My divorce was final Dec 22, two years ago, so we have thought it would be cool if our divorces were final on the same day, but we won't complain if his is earlier. We quite honestly actually expect her lawyer to file some sort of continuance, and so are not holding our breaths.
On Friday the wife STILL didn't KNOW that he visits me. She was still trying to get him to give up the divorce on Saturday night. She even offered to help him take a shower earlier in the week...something he swears she never offered in the previous 25 years. I have a feeling that her dad is not the idiot she is. FBE has left the family home every other weekend since mid-October. He did not use his brother (who has willingly covered since he doesn't like the wife & never has) as an excuse this weekend... just visiting friends.
FBE called not long before I started writing. His wife decided after a church potluck today to enforce the restraining order & told him to move out this evening. He said he would call later tonight. That was 2 hours ago. The phone just rang.
Bye.
My mom told me over Thanksgiving weekend that Dad does not want to live to Christmas. He weighs about 120 pounds. He looks like a concentration camp resident. I am angry that he is giving up & not fighting to live, but when I look around at his co-nursing home -residents (who are at healthier weights), I'm not so certain I would want to live there either. It is not a bad nursing home. It's clean; they try to be attentive. Mom visits daily around a meal time to try to give him the attention & help he needs to eat well at least once a day.
I am accustomed to believing that when I pray, my prayers are answered. Ask & I shall receive is what the Bible promises me. I do not know what to ask for. I have never like "God's will be done" prayers; they seem like such a cop out on faith. I know that God already granted me prayers for miracle healings for him as he has healed & regained abilities beyond what is "normal" from strokes for a decade now. I feel like I've wasted that decade by not visiting him frequently. Then I wasted this weekend too.
______________
When FBE came on Wednesday before Thanksgiving, our kids got along just fine.
Also on Thanksgiving weekend he went with me to visit my dad on Friday afternoon & spent a few hours with me & my family in the evening. Then on Saturday he came over around 4:30; his family was at a birthday party for his father-in-law. We went out on a date. My boys said I had a curfew of 11 pm. My mom said that since it was NOT a school night I could stay out until 12. I was home at 11:04. My boys asked, "Where did you go? What did you do?" We told most of the truth. They added their own estimates for how long shopping in a mall where there are 2 bookstores, eating supper, driving around looking at Christmas lights & then eating ice cream would take. They only found an hour of unaccounted for time. We did not account for it, nor point out that their estimating of the other activities was generous. FBE & the boys seem to get along alright.
Oh my mom shared a memory & more with me during Thanksgiving weekend. One day long ago when FBE & she just happened to see each other. He told her that he "ended up marrying " his wife, and then he sighed head down. Mom also has an unidentified source that thought FBE's wife would be a "very hard woman to live with." Oh, and Mom said something that let my boys learn that his divorce was not final yet. I told them that his wife has been making it take longer than necessary. Mom reminded me that waiting for my divorce to take longer than it had to "was worth it, wasn't it?" That is the first time my mom has ever acknowledged that my divorce was a good thing.
On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, FBE told me that his new boss had demoted him & cut his pay, cuz he "just didn't seem to be superintendent material after all." His boss never gave him tasks to prove his abilities. The superintendent FBE has been working with most of the time says the boss is hard to work with until you get to know him well, and thinks that FBE could do the job given a chance. The superintendent will speak on FBE's behalf. FBE has already applied for new jobs, cuz the paycut has him living on 20K less a year. He is thankful to have his job.
______________
Early in the week his 10 year-old had asked what she was to call me. Originally I was known as Pete to her, but she hears him call me by a version of my given name, too. He pointed out to her that eventually my last name will change, so Pete wouldn't be my name any longer then. Therefore, she could just call me a version of my first name too. On Thursday, she asked him if she could call me Mom once we get married. FBE reminded her to not expect us to marry soon, but that he was sure I wouldn't mind her calling me Mom. Wow! That does thrill me ! How cool!? I told FBE that though my kids often call me Mom, they were originally trained to call me Mama. The 10 yr old could choose whatever she wanted, including my real name. It will be totally up to her.
_____________
FBE & I talked a lot about which of us would travel this weekend to visit the other. He finally said that if he came here that we could go to church together, since we can't do so down there yet with the divorce still not quite final. He came up on Friday night. Then he called his father-in-law's house around 9 pm to talk to his kids who were there. The father-in-law would not put the kids on the phone & said they were getting ready for bed, even though the truth was that they were standing beside him asking to talk to FBE. FBE was told that he is NEVER to call that house again. Being denied access to his kids weighed heavily upon FBE.
He left Saturday instead of staying. I miss him, but understand. At church today folks asked about him. Without my requesting it the Sunday school prayed for us... how cool is that? They of course do not know that his divorce is not final. They just know that we have 180 miles & 6 kids between us.
On Friday at work, he was finally served a restraining order that is now about 4 weeks old. It prohibits him from living at the family house, gives her sole custody of the kids & orders him to pay her almost 2K in child support & maintenance.
On Tuesday FBE's new lawyer will file a counter to the restraining order that should nullify it cuz she let him stay in the house for those weeks and have parenting rights; his extensive tools for his work & side business are at the house, and they now have almost the exact same income so he shouldn't have to pay maintenance & child support. The 2K for the wife was based upon his old salary. He can't begin to cover those costs now.
He has no problem with the idea of paying child support, as long as it is reasonable for his salary. He does have problems with maintenance cuz she has 16K in savings that she has refused to use to pay down their credit card debt from when she was unemployed. He has nothing in savings because he's been trying to pay down the debt.
He can only afford to pay the lawyer cuz his aunt is giving him money that she inherited from his mom. She plans for him to inherit it eventually anyway, if she doesn't need it before she dies. He's a nice guy who helps her when she needs it, and she never has liked his wife.
Last week his new lawyer said that the divorce will be done on Dec. 15, but that is a Saturday, so probably the 17th is more accurate. My divorce was final Dec 22, two years ago, so we have thought it would be cool if our divorces were final on the same day, but we won't complain if his is earlier. We quite honestly actually expect her lawyer to file some sort of continuance, and so are not holding our breaths.
On Friday the wife STILL didn't KNOW that he visits me. She was still trying to get him to give up the divorce on Saturday night. She even offered to help him take a shower earlier in the week...something he swears she never offered in the previous 25 years. I have a feeling that her dad is not the idiot she is. FBE has left the family home every other weekend since mid-October. He did not use his brother (who has willingly covered since he doesn't like the wife & never has) as an excuse this weekend... just visiting friends.
FBE called not long before I started writing. His wife decided after a church potluck today to enforce the restraining order & told him to move out this evening. He said he would call later tonight. That was 2 hours ago. The phone just rang.
Bye.
posted by Pete | 7:39 PM
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